split

it’d still be more natural than hatred to trace your hand with my fingertips, but you made my chest a casket
i wish we could have words, even if it were just another eulogy, without pain driving my attempts & with truth in what you spit
but i don’t trust you, & pain shoved down doesn’t mean it’s dissipated, do you know the ache of feeling split?
i don’t expect warm words from your lips, or even your presence before the tipped lid is shut & the cold ground accepts
i’ll pin this list to the stilled heart, use a pen as an outlet, till it’s all finally buried here, its beat can’t be resurrected
i have tunnel vision, & only saw us as we kissed, & then only you as you left, but i know i struggled to express, & how i transgressed
it’s hard to apologize when pissed, & it’s harder to admit the hurt i inflict when my own spills over when it no longer fits

had i the world to give, i’d have given it for my heart to be spared ever knowing you existed
it had adored you, press your ears against it, did you hear its beat scream words as my lips misdirected
it’d be bullshit to say it’s innocent, but wring it & see its pain drip as you put crimes on it it hadn’t committed
if we only know what we had after it’s gone, then i know what you were, a wolf that wore the lamb’s skin after it fed
you made it fit, had me convinced, but has any regret settled in your stomach, or do you really think you’re the lamb reflected
my stomach has shrunk twice, & over you, it’s laughable to still be depressed when you discarded me as practice
i wish i had dispensed with the first threat, but i let you past my defense, recolored the flags when i should’ve had the locks reset

do you know the ache of feeling split? i know the memories, & all their shit